I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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