There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I did not marry a roomba.
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