Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
