You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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