what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
