i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i think my cat just said my name.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
