how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
