If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
