Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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