I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
