I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
