Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
