he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
