I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
