so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk is a universal language darling
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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