Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
