3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
