White coat. Heels.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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