on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
