Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
