new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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