i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
