It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He shit in the fireplace
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
