Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
