Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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