if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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