Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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