Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
