I didn't shave. On purpose
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
