...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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