I'd wear matching sweaters with you
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
