I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish š
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
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