I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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