He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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