you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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