Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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