I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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