I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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