He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
