Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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