I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
As shirtless as possible
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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