dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He kissed a someone with a penis
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
