I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
