Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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