What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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