i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
