Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
