All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
