Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
