I'm so fucking centered right now
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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