u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
