From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
