So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
