dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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