my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
