help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
