Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
