I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
