this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
