I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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