my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
