well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
